June 30, 2009

Can months have a particular feeling?  I think they can.  December feels a certain way to me because of Christmas and cold weather.  January usually feels very hopeful because of the new year.  June usually feels warm (not just the weather, but I feel warm inside too) because of Pride.  For some reason I didn’t feel very warm inside this year.

There are probably a few reasons for that.  First, I was laid off from my job earlier this month.  While I was sad to have lost my job, I was very glad to be returning to Atlanta.  Coming home brought back so many great things for me and I even felt my energy level increase.  That will hopefully come in handy as I search for a new job.

Another reason, and probably the most obvious, is that Atlanta Pride is going to be celebrated on October 31, 2009 instead of the last weekend in June.  Initially I was very upset because the decision was mainly based on the availability of Piedmont Park.  When it was first announced the Atlanta Pride Committee heralded the new date because of the GLBT community’s adoption of Halloween as its “own holiday.”  I don’t know about you, but to me being gay is not about putting on a costume.  It’s who I am.  It’s a part of me.  Aside from that, June marks the anniversary of the Stonewall Riots and I think it’s important to celebrate/commemorate that time in history.

I don’t want to make this all about how rescheduling Pride ruined my life, so I’ll leave it at that.

I’ve really enjoyed these last few weeks.  Being home and around my friends and family has been great.  Just being around them makes me feel good.  Now here’s the shallow part of my story… I don’t feel pretty.

Yes, you read that right.  I don’t feel pretty.  I guess I should probably feel handsome, but pretty sounds better.  I don’t really want to elaborate on that right now.  I’ll just say that I’ve met at least a dozen apparently eligible and semi-interested guys in the 3 weeks since I’ve been back and NONE of them have turned into more than a discussion.  In almost all of those situations there wasn’t even a kiss.  Before you get the wrong idea, let me just clarify by saying I was not (and am not) looking for sex.  It’s just nice to be wanted.  Back in the day I used to be able to work a room in under an hour and have demands for my attention met.  I know that sounds petty (and possibly lewd) and writing it makes me think that I need to see a psychiatrist.  I don’t think I’m crazy… maybe a little shallow.

Anyway, it’s the end of another month and the start of a new chapter for me.  I don’t know what that chapter is, but I’m excited.  I enjoy the challenge and the only thing I can say for sure is that I’m going to Las Vegas on Saturday.  If that doesn’t help me find the “Old David” who can work a room I don’t know what will.